Widely regarded as one of the World's greatest strikers, he scored an unmatched 260 Premier League goals, OBE, Deputy Lieutenant as appointed by the Crown, corner stone of Match of the Day and one hell of a Geordie... News Bit correspondant Stan managed to catch up with him while he was doing a bit of shopping in London.
Stan: Alan Shearer, absolute legend for cub and country, how are things?
Alan: Ahm gunna try an sum it up in 30 seconds...Aalreet hoo wee deein?You're reet man, ahm a legend. Did yee knaa ahm the record gool scorer in tha Premier League?
Stan: Yeah yeah, I knew that Alan. It's not cool to blow your own trumpet man... So, who do you think will win the Premier League this season Alan?
Alan:Ahm gunna try an sum it up in 30 seconds...this season so far I've sez, Chelsea, Man City, Arsenal, Spurs, United and Leicester. It will DEFINITELY be one of thosewhich will, wheyaye myek me reet an as yee knaa ahm nivvor wrong....
Stan: Hmmm, I'm hearing that trumpet again mate... Anyway, how are you feeling about Newcastle - can they survive the drop?
Alan: It's difficult te sum up Newcastle's plight in 30 seconds but Ahm gunna try.....
You canna coach players whee dee not want te be coached, whee are not canny good enough. They hev got tee many Monday-to-Friday players: canny good in training, divvent want te perform on a Saturdays. These players are not as canny good as me, they'll nivvor be as canny good as me, ne-one will, as ah wez brilliant, an still am.
Stan: Doesn't really answer my question Al and I have a feeling I've heard that rant before on the tele... you must have memorised that one... plus I'm still hearing that trumpet mate. Euro 2016 is around the corner Alan. Do you think we can go on and win it?
Alan: It's git difficult te sum up England's plight in 30 seconds but Ahm gunna try..... England divvent hev a striker as canny good as me, they divvent hev anyone tha can scores betta gools as me, or as many gools as me.... If they want te win it, Roy should caal me an I'll singlehandedly gan an win it fre England leik Ah did before.
Stan: Wait... what? 'Win it before? What are you banging on about? You're proper full of yourself aren't you Alan....! Finally Alan just to give you one final chance to blow that trumpet that you clearly love playing... Who do you think is the best pundit on the tele?
Alan: It's difficult te sum up in 30 seconds but Ahm gunna try..... Ahm betta than aal of them, Lineker, Owen, Wrighty, Sav, Scholes an aal the rest put together...... Ah knaa more than them, Ah wez a betta player than them, Ah scored more gools than them, Ah scored betta gools than them, Ahm betta looking than them, Ahm more interesting than them an Ahm sorry Stan Ah need te get tha number 22 bendy bus (Pictured) te Sports Direct toget mesel the new The Toon short wi me nyame on the back wi the number 260 fre the record number of Premier League gools Ah scored.Did yee knaa ahm the record gool scorer in tha Premier League?
Stan: Yes Alan, How could I forget..!
So there you have it. Alan Shearer, clearly his own greatest fan...! Ta-da-da-bloody-da